what is the earliest acceptable time of day to eat ice cream? i'm a longtime fan of leftover pie or cake for breakfast, but i'm not sure ice cream has made its way to this status yet. i DID notice the other day at a kid-centric event at work, participating children were given free ice cream. AT 10:30 IN THE MORNING. and all the moms thought this was a good idea.
i sampled my latest ice cream triumph, cookies & cream, shortly after waking up today. for the sake of science. it's important to chart how the texture progresses each day in the freezer, you know. but the real scientific progress this morning was finding an ice cream for brunch. i'm eagerly anticipating a big spread of delicious carbs and quality movie watching with the Book Club ladies today, and i struggled over what to contribute to the brunch potluck. you know i like my roasted potatoes, but the potato department was already covered, as were eggs, biscuits, and sweet cake-y things. since the person volunteering fresh fruit decided to just bring bloody mary accoutrements instead, i figured fruity sorbet was a good way to go. ultimately, it was not a difficult decision, since we were at a wedding yesterday and didn't get home till 10, i was left with What's In The Refrigerator Sorbet. this has produced fantastic results in the past (hello strawberry nectarine lemon sorbet!) and today i'm going for simple and refreshing - a lime sorbet full of delicious lime zest. it won't be too heavy, in case we are all moved to breakdance in a couple hours, it won't weigh us down.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
too much
i've been told that if you eat lots and lots of something, it's possible your body will reject it and you will develop an allergy. i consider this to be a true story, after the Great Cinnamon Incident of 2002, in which i consumed approximately 87 zillion gallons of Good Earth tea, and my neck swelled up like i had the mumps. ever since, i am unable to tolerate cinnamon, and am in fact so allergic to eat that RedBeard can't eat any unless he brushes his teeth before smooching me. it sucks to develop an allergy so late in life, because i already know that cinnamon toast and apple pie are DELICIOUS. not to mention i miss out on things like Lisa's bread pudding and Delaney's HFS tart. here are a few other things i have eaten an insane amount of:
Red Vines. when i was a kid (approx. age 12 to age 15) this was my number one candy. whether at the movies or stashed in my bedroom, a pack was always present. until i got a giant bucket of them at Costco. once that bucket was empty, i never wanted to see a Red Vine again.
Cheez-Its. they really are the best. we have occasionally purchased the reduced fat or low sodium varieties and they were kind of "meh," but then we'd get the real ones again and remember OH YEAH THESE THINGS ARE AWESOME!
grilled cheese sandwiches. occasionally upgraded to grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches, or grilled cheese and avocado sandwiches, they never fail to satisfy. many, many late nights at Mark's Texas Hots in Rochester were spent with a fine specimen of grilled cheese. the only fast food i EVER eat (not counting milkshakes!) is, occasionally, if we're on the road in the middle of nowhere and losing our minds with hunger, a grilled cheese sandwich from Sonic.
roasted potatoes. it's only in the past few years that i have realized EVERYTHING is awesome if you roast it in the oven. even brussel sprouts! but roasted potatoes are our go-to "I Don't Feel Like Making Dinner" solution, whether as part of Breakfast For Dinner or as a tasty sandwich accompaniment. i don't think i've ever matched the gloriousness of the roasted potatoes from Red Wagon (sniff, sniff), but they are still damn good.
i don't feel that "ice cream" belongs on this list, because really, every flavor counts as something different, right? it doesn't matter how much i eat it. it doesn't matter that when i was in Venice i ate gelato every single day. the ice cream food group is full of variety.
Red Vines. when i was a kid (approx. age 12 to age 15) this was my number one candy. whether at the movies or stashed in my bedroom, a pack was always present. until i got a giant bucket of them at Costco. once that bucket was empty, i never wanted to see a Red Vine again.
Cheez-Its. they really are the best. we have occasionally purchased the reduced fat or low sodium varieties and they were kind of "meh," but then we'd get the real ones again and remember OH YEAH THESE THINGS ARE AWESOME!
grilled cheese sandwiches. occasionally upgraded to grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches, or grilled cheese and avocado sandwiches, they never fail to satisfy. many, many late nights at Mark's Texas Hots in Rochester were spent with a fine specimen of grilled cheese. the only fast food i EVER eat (not counting milkshakes!) is, occasionally, if we're on the road in the middle of nowhere and losing our minds with hunger, a grilled cheese sandwich from Sonic.
roasted potatoes. it's only in the past few years that i have realized EVERYTHING is awesome if you roast it in the oven. even brussel sprouts! but roasted potatoes are our go-to "I Don't Feel Like Making Dinner" solution, whether as part of Breakfast For Dinner or as a tasty sandwich accompaniment. i don't think i've ever matched the gloriousness of the roasted potatoes from Red Wagon (sniff, sniff), but they are still damn good.
i don't feel that "ice cream" belongs on this list, because really, every flavor counts as something different, right? it doesn't matter how much i eat it. it doesn't matter that when i was in Venice i ate gelato every single day. the ice cream food group is full of variety.
Monday, July 21, 2008
food that tastes like home
when i lived in Portugal, i was DYING for a bagel. i just wanted a damn bagel. i had no idea i was so bagel-dependent. my dad tried to vacuum seal one and send it to me, but it was still nasty and sporting some mold by the time it arrived. i missed homemade pizza and made some from scratch that kicked ass. i wanted a birthday cake and my mom sent me all the dry ingredients for North Douglas Chocolate Cake (only slightly damaged in transit) so i could make it myself. i missed peanut butter, i found some, i ate the whole jar by myself since it was a mystery to everyone else, and i probably gained 10 pounds.
the most memorable meal of my entire life in Portugal was a simple dinner of salmon and green beans. i was still in the Freaking Out About Being So Far Away From Home phase, and this plate of very familiar flavors was so delicious, and so satisfying, i wanted to lick my fingers and lick my plate to make it last as long as possible. the bottle of wine i shared with my dining companion probably didn't hurt the comfort and relaxation factors either.
when i was 17 my mom had a surprise birthday party for me at home. it was just a few friends and delicious dinner, but i remember eating that linguine and thinking, GOSH! I HAVE THE BEST MOM EVER!
in the early days of social networking, i was exploring Friendster and found my best friend from childhood who i hadn't seen in 15 years. it turned out she was close by in NYC while i was still up in Rochester for school. i made plans to go spend Thanksgiving and my birthday with her in the city. together with a group of her friends, we created a totally wow-worthy Thanksgiving feast including magical pies made without any recipes, where we just started with a pile of These Things Go In A Pie ingredients. it was the perfect Friends As Chosen Family holiday event, even thought i only knew one of the people involved. and that triumphant, heartwarming masterpiece was topped by the morning of my birthday, when i woke up to freshly baked currant scones. also, Andrew W.K. called me that day and I got to talk to him about what we were cooking for dinner. i should REALLY have a cooking show and invite him on to discuss food.
pretty much everything i eat at Delaney's house gives me that kind of feeling, but this blog is already turning into a love letter to Delaney, so i can't even pick the best one...
the most memorable meal of my entire life in Portugal was a simple dinner of salmon and green beans. i was still in the Freaking Out About Being So Far Away From Home phase, and this plate of very familiar flavors was so delicious, and so satisfying, i wanted to lick my fingers and lick my plate to make it last as long as possible. the bottle of wine i shared with my dining companion probably didn't hurt the comfort and relaxation factors either.
when i was 17 my mom had a surprise birthday party for me at home. it was just a few friends and delicious dinner, but i remember eating that linguine and thinking, GOSH! I HAVE THE BEST MOM EVER!
in the early days of social networking, i was exploring Friendster and found my best friend from childhood who i hadn't seen in 15 years. it turned out she was close by in NYC while i was still up in Rochester for school. i made plans to go spend Thanksgiving and my birthday with her in the city. together with a group of her friends, we created a totally wow-worthy Thanksgiving feast including magical pies made without any recipes, where we just started with a pile of These Things Go In A Pie ingredients. it was the perfect Friends As Chosen Family holiday event, even thought i only knew one of the people involved. and that triumphant, heartwarming masterpiece was topped by the morning of my birthday, when i woke up to freshly baked currant scones. also, Andrew W.K. called me that day and I got to talk to him about what we were cooking for dinner. i should REALLY have a cooking show and invite him on to discuss food.
pretty much everything i eat at Delaney's house gives me that kind of feeling, but this blog is already turning into a love letter to Delaney, so i can't even pick the best one...
Friday, July 18, 2008
most triumphant
i haven't really kept statistics on my general success rate in the kitchen. there have been some heinous disasters, but overall i think i do pretty well. some kitchen adventures really stand out in my mind though, the kind that i think back and say YEAAAHHH! and plunk out a big air piano solo. here is a list of my most triumphant cooking and baking experiences. in random order.
1. the batch of biscuits i made right when RedBeard and i moved in to our current home. they were the stuff of biscuit legends, and the following batches were so abysmal i have retired from ever making biscuits from scratch ever again. now i just listen to Paula's advice and buy them frozen.
2. macarons! though not without their own share of drama, watching these little babies do their thing in the oven made me jump up and down. the foot! the ruffly foot! i did it right! and after reading so many horror stories about their complexity, i did have to give myself a pat on the back for this one.
3. the first batch of homemade vanilla ice cream with homemade almond toffee chunks. i actually do a little victory dance after every winning batch of ice cream, which, thanks to the recipes and expert guidance of mesieurs Ben & Jerry and most of all mr. David Lebovitz, is quite frequently. salted caramel ice cream for Delaney's birthday was an especially labor-intensive one with highly satisfying results. my ice cream victory dance is only slightly different from my Wii bowling victory dance. pay close attention.
4. danish from scratch, biotch! i slept with "Baking with Julia" under my pillow in preparation for making something SERIOUS for Book Club when we read "My Life In France." i also made the sweet cheese filling for them completely off the top of my head and may i say, it kicked ass.
you know, i'm trying to think further back in history, since all these things seem so recent, (shall we say "A.D?" that's After Delaney...), because i THINK i must have made some good things earlier in my life, but all that comes to mind are things like the bundt pan from hell that made me throw the whole cake in the trash, collapse face down on the floor, and cry till i passed out. or when i was sure i was going to make the best chocolate chip cookies ever and i didn't CARE that the butter was frozen, i was going to cut it with a dull knife, dammit, and i ended up in the urgent care clinic, narrowly avoiding needing stitches.
1. the batch of biscuits i made right when RedBeard and i moved in to our current home. they were the stuff of biscuit legends, and the following batches were so abysmal i have retired from ever making biscuits from scratch ever again. now i just listen to Paula's advice and buy them frozen.
2. macarons! though not without their own share of drama, watching these little babies do their thing in the oven made me jump up and down. the foot! the ruffly foot! i did it right! and after reading so many horror stories about their complexity, i did have to give myself a pat on the back for this one.
3. the first batch of homemade vanilla ice cream with homemade almond toffee chunks. i actually do a little victory dance after every winning batch of ice cream, which, thanks to the recipes and expert guidance of mesieurs Ben & Jerry and most of all mr. David Lebovitz, is quite frequently. salted caramel ice cream for Delaney's birthday was an especially labor-intensive one with highly satisfying results. my ice cream victory dance is only slightly different from my Wii bowling victory dance. pay close attention.
4. danish from scratch, biotch! i slept with "Baking with Julia" under my pillow in preparation for making something SERIOUS for Book Club when we read "My Life In France." i also made the sweet cheese filling for them completely off the top of my head and may i say, it kicked ass.
you know, i'm trying to think further back in history, since all these things seem so recent, (shall we say "A.D?" that's After Delaney...), because i THINK i must have made some good things earlier in my life, but all that comes to mind are things like the bundt pan from hell that made me throw the whole cake in the trash, collapse face down on the floor, and cry till i passed out. or when i was sure i was going to make the best chocolate chip cookies ever and i didn't CARE that the butter was frozen, i was going to cut it with a dull knife, dammit, and i ended up in the urgent care clinic, narrowly avoiding needing stitches.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
lemonade stand, west anchorage style
in the days of my youth my friend Whitney and i would drag her Fischer Price picnic table to the corner of her block to sell lemonade. one day when i was four or five, we were selling lemonade and her neighbor Erin was trying new marketing techniques like lying down in the road to get cars to stop. Erin's older brother Patrick rode his bike in circles around the intersection, yelling what a hot dog-dirty day it was, and how thirsty he was, and how he would never visit our lemonade stand because it looked like crap. we never did that well. maybe it was Patrick's fault. maybe it just wasn't our destiny to be successful roadside lemonade vendors. at least i grew up with summer temperatures that allowed us to try!
lemonade stand, east nashville style
apparently the heat is too much even for the kids on summer vacation hoping to make a few extra bucks with a roadside lemonade stand. there's a house around the corner from me that appears to have no air conditioning, and i always see their door wide open with the lights out and people sitting in front of a fan on hot days. i was walking back from the post office today and i saw a boy run out of that house and say something to a passing pedestrian, then run back inside. as i neared the corner and passed their driveway, the boy ran out again. "heyyou, youwanna freezie-lemonade-cup?" he asked, gesturing to a styrofoam cup he was holding. "no, thank you," i replied, and he ran back in the house. i realized my hopes of randomly selling cupcakes in a cardboard stand by the side of the road would be completely idiotic until it cools off again. i muttered, "too hot, too hot" under my breath like a crazy old lady until i could get back to my house and make a dent in the leftover ice cream from Book Club.
leftover ice cream?! there was some left over?! yes, because i can make two batches at the same time now, mua ha ha ha ha ha.... well, also because there was a giant platter of fruit, a peach pie, and some bread pudding on the dessert table last night. gosh i love Book Club.
leftover ice cream?! there was some left over?! yes, because i can make two batches at the same time now, mua ha ha ha ha ha.... well, also because there was a giant platter of fruit, a peach pie, and some bread pudding on the dessert table last night. gosh i love Book Club.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
delaney never would have let this happen...
the most embarrassing thing happened last night. i can't believe i'm actually confessing it to the internet.
i ran out of sugar.
i went to get some for the first batch of ice cream and i suddenly realized i was dangerously close to the bottom of the bag. i panicked. i measured out three quarters of a cup for the first batch and prayed the remaining granules would be enough to complete the second recipe. they trickled into my measuring cup in slow motion... just...about...exactly...enough. okay. phew. i set the measuring cup aside, and went about the jostling of my parade of red kitchen appliances, and knocked the f'ing measuring cup over! sugar everywhere. i laboriously scooped and gathered it back together and put it out of harm's way. both ice creams turned out smashingly, but i never should have let my supply dwindle and disappear.
i've been scolded for this before, when casually mentioning i needed to go to the store for sugar before starting a recipe. YOU DON'T HAVE IT ALL THE TIME? HOW COULD YOU BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE?? and at the time my (valid!) excuse was that i had brought my baking supplies elsewhere and not brought all of them home with me. but this time it was just pure negligence. and if this seems a little dramatic, may i remind you i don't know how to drive, and i live in an area just sketchy enough that i'm not tempted to walk a mile to get sugar at 10pm.
i'll never let it happen again. i promise.
i ran out of sugar.
i went to get some for the first batch of ice cream and i suddenly realized i was dangerously close to the bottom of the bag. i panicked. i measured out three quarters of a cup for the first batch and prayed the remaining granules would be enough to complete the second recipe. they trickled into my measuring cup in slow motion... just...about...exactly...enough. okay. phew. i set the measuring cup aside, and went about the jostling of my parade of red kitchen appliances, and knocked the f'ing measuring cup over! sugar everywhere. i laboriously scooped and gathered it back together and put it out of harm's way. both ice creams turned out smashingly, but i never should have let my supply dwindle and disappear.
i've been scolded for this before, when casually mentioning i needed to go to the store for sugar before starting a recipe. YOU DON'T HAVE IT ALL THE TIME? HOW COULD YOU BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE?? and at the time my (valid!) excuse was that i had brought my baking supplies elsewhere and not brought all of them home with me. but this time it was just pure negligence. and if this seems a little dramatic, may i remind you i don't know how to drive, and i live in an area just sketchy enough that i'm not tempted to walk a mile to get sugar at 10pm.
i'll never let it happen again. i promise.
Monday, July 14, 2008
full steam ahead!
okay, this is where it's at, i got two turntables and a microphone. actually it's really two ice cream freezer bowls, and no microphone. but i am doing the laundry at the same time. extra points? i'm concocting a little something special for Book Club, we shall call it Creole Coffee ice cream. after that i'll put together a zesty fresh lemon sherbet. and finally, the evening will be topped off with the construction of the famous Barton family Olive Cheese Appetizers, by popular request, which i shall pop in the freezer to save for baking just before the ladies arrive tomorrow. i also have other ambitious ideas like making a dedicated set of cloth napkins for Book Club so we can lessen the paper wastage of these gatherings of hungry ladies... we'll see if that happens. we'll see if my eyeballs are open a few hours from now when the kitchen tasks are complete. i couldn't even think of anything to eat for dinner today, so i munched on a few cheez-its and went straight to ice cream making. i've got my priorities.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
mon petit chou chou
cupcake, puddin, dumplin, honey, sugar, sweetie pie, pumpkin, peanut, sweet pea... how many more food items would you call your darlin by?
why is something easy a "piece of cake?" and is cake only easy for English speakers? because in Portguese something easy is "canja" aka chicken soup...
why is something easy a "piece of cake?" and is cake only easy for English speakers? because in Portguese something easy is "canja" aka chicken soup...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
fishface
i made this birthday cake for my friend Bob today. it's chocolate cake with buttercream icing which i piped on with a rose tip to make scales. the fins, teeth, and eyeball are made from white and dark chocolate, and the lemons and leafy garnishes are made from marzipan. phew! now i just have 150 cupcakes in my fridge to take to the Panty Raid tonight.
Friday, July 11, 2008
most romantical movie quote
Yo Adrian! You hungry? I got soda, some donuts or something. A couple of cupcakes, huh? I think I got some chocolates in there...
Thursday, July 10, 2008
don't get cocky with your kitchenaid
i've spent just enough time with the industrial strength stand mixer at work that coming home to mine sometimes feels like i'm in Barbie's Dream House using miniature kitchen tools. having professional safety measures like the swinging gate over the bowl and the way the mixer automatically shuts off if you move ANYTHING... well, i've gotten a bit overconfident. i have to remember my mixer at home doesn't know i just moved the invisible safety gate out of the way to shove the spatula in to scrape down the sides of the bowl. it has not, in fact, shut itself off, and i better watch the hell out. have i forgotten the home mixer of old? my mother's stand mixer, with its beaters i loved to lick batter from, which showed no mercy to wooden spoons in their way? many a mangled spoon taught me this fine lesson and i have let their memory fade. maybe the fact that the modern kitchenaid paddle just isn't as perfect an object to lick batter of off has made me lax in my respect for the tool. what a fine tool it is! i made 14 dozen cupcakes yesterday without breaking a sweat. yes, on my day off. gosh i love my mixer. sometimes i want to dress it up and take it out for a nice steak dinner. just kidding. i don't eat steak. but my mixer should receive its own Christmas presents, just like a family dog does.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
true love and food
my first kiss from RedBeard was while i was icing a big cake and 50 cupcakes in the middle of the night. he used to work in a restaurant, and i would stay up till his shift ended at 3am so we could hang out. i must have saved the baking till the wee hours so i could make myself stay up.
our first trip out of town together was to see our friends in Louisville and i must have eaten 87 tons of guacamole that day because i was nervous about whether or not we should be holding hands or telling people we were dating.
the first time i cooked dinner for him it turned out AWFUL, and bless his heart, he ate it anyway. i used a sauce from a jar that was terribly, terribly salty, and i tried to make some breadsticks from scratch on the spot, which turned out like bricks.
he told me he was falling in love with me in the Pizza Perfect parking lot. i had cheese pizza. he had sausage. we both had pizza breath.
my first meal with his parents was lunch at Chinatown and WHAT a relief that was! we all got along fine. i had vegetable lo mein, which used to be my old standby. (now replaced by the outstanding curry bean curd)
my first holiday gathering with his extended family, i brought corn casserole and gooey butter cakes. THANK YOU PAULA DEEN for buttering everyone up. those are sure tickets to being Popular Girlfriend.
when we finally decided to get married, the proposal/decision took place over the last hashbrowns of some delicious greasy breakfasts at Athens. (he had proposed before over a slightly more dramatic meal, but it must have been something in the diner coffee and eggs florentine that made it finally all come together.) we celebrated by following breakfast immediately with Las Paletas.
our first trip out of town together was to see our friends in Louisville and i must have eaten 87 tons of guacamole that day because i was nervous about whether or not we should be holding hands or telling people we were dating.
the first time i cooked dinner for him it turned out AWFUL, and bless his heart, he ate it anyway. i used a sauce from a jar that was terribly, terribly salty, and i tried to make some breadsticks from scratch on the spot, which turned out like bricks.
he told me he was falling in love with me in the Pizza Perfect parking lot. i had cheese pizza. he had sausage. we both had pizza breath.
my first meal with his parents was lunch at Chinatown and WHAT a relief that was! we all got along fine. i had vegetable lo mein, which used to be my old standby. (now replaced by the outstanding curry bean curd)
my first holiday gathering with his extended family, i brought corn casserole and gooey butter cakes. THANK YOU PAULA DEEN for buttering everyone up. those are sure tickets to being Popular Girlfriend.
when we finally decided to get married, the proposal/decision took place over the last hashbrowns of some delicious greasy breakfasts at Athens. (he had proposed before over a slightly more dramatic meal, but it must have been something in the diner coffee and eggs florentine that made it finally all come together.) we celebrated by following breakfast immediately with Las Paletas.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
acquired taste
our internet was on the fritz all day and i almost couldn't eek out this vital information to you!
here i am, just in the nick of time, to tell you how much i love sour things. pickled sour things. vinegary things. it was not always so.
i credit my Aunt Sarah for persuading me, through her parties of Round Food or Orange Food, which always involved the famous Barton Olive Cheese Appetizers, to develop a love for green olives. now any family gathering involves me inhaling about 87 tons of those things.
RedBeard wants nothing to do with it. no olives, no pickles, no capers, and definitely no sauerkraut! boy did i have to go a long afternoon with no kisses the day i decided my veggie hot dogs needed some kraut.
the good news is i never have to hoard any of these things when i buy them, because i know i'm the only one who will eat them. i think capers are totally awesome!
here i am, just in the nick of time, to tell you how much i love sour things. pickled sour things. vinegary things. it was not always so.
i credit my Aunt Sarah for persuading me, through her parties of Round Food or Orange Food, which always involved the famous Barton Olive Cheese Appetizers, to develop a love for green olives. now any family gathering involves me inhaling about 87 tons of those things.
RedBeard wants nothing to do with it. no olives, no pickles, no capers, and definitely no sauerkraut! boy did i have to go a long afternoon with no kisses the day i decided my veggie hot dogs needed some kraut.
the good news is i never have to hoard any of these things when i buy them, because i know i'm the only one who will eat them. i think capers are totally awesome!
Monday, July 07, 2008
shopping habits of the rich and famous
today Lisa Loeb was shopping, wearing a shirt for... herself. i only noticed it was a Lisa Loeb in a Lisa Loeb shirt because the shirt had cupcakes on it. and i'm only sure what Lisa Loeb looks like because i had a college roommate who was often mistaken for her. Jordan Pundik of New Found Glory was shopping today wearing such a ridiculous moustache that i wondered if it might be a disguise. but really, who has recognized him in a grocery store in the last five years? he bought lots of chips and salsa, some yogurt, and some fancy beer.
that's the daily update from your Green Hills Grocery Gossip correspondent.
that's the daily update from your Green Hills Grocery Gossip correspondent.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
things i can not abide
1. cream of wheat
2. raw oysters
3. Norwegian licorice
4. anything advised by Rachael Ray
2. raw oysters
3. Norwegian licorice
4. anything advised by Rachael Ray
Saturday, July 05, 2008
moments in food
i may not be a sharp as that lady who can call to mind every single day of her life, but i suddenly seem to remember everything i've ever eaten! i think every person who passed through my life left a few crumbs...
my grandmother Betty had BonBons in her apartment. i'm sure of that. i threw up Froot Loops on the grass in front of where she lived. one time she made me and my brothers some macaroni and cheese when she was visiting and told us we couldn't have any until we sang "Jesus Loves Me" and we simply had no idea what she was talking about.
when i have dreams of my childhood home, the refrigerator is always really jumbled and it's impossible to find things in there. does this mean something?
one time my cousin Josh was babysitting us - i was four - and when he went to the bathroom i thought it would be the most hilarious thing ever to pour my apple juice in his glass of milk. like he wouldn't notice?!
one of my mom's sisters let us eat Cheez-Its in bed. which one??
a kid in my class in kindergarten had a pretty mom, and i'm not sure why i cared, i just always thought, oh, what a pretty lady. until it was their turn to bring the snack for the class. and it was that rainbow layered Jell-O, where you mix sweetened condensed milk in with gelatin so there's white between the stripes, remember? from that point on i thought the pretty mom was a total alien. what the heck WAS that stuff??
i've been a vegetarian for 13 years. the last hamburger i ever ate was at the Raspberry Road Tastee Freeze in Anchorage.
my next door neighbor and i tried to make "witches brew" one time by mixing up a bowl of every single thing we could find in her kitchen. unfortunately there was some powdered dish detergent on the counter next to the herbs and we ate that too. we both got sick. it was also in that kitchen that i decided it would be a good idea to hollow out a carrot with a paring knife so i could drink water out of it. i cut the sh*t out of my thumb and did not make a successful carrot straw.
i brought a giant bag of bbq potato chips to eat in the snow fort with the popular 6th graders. i was only in 5th grade but they let me in their fort. i thought we were pals. but that day they decided it just wasn't right, and i couldn't join them. i told them they could keep the stupid chips. one girl's mom made her invite me for a sleepover to make up for being a jerk. it was lame and she just made fun of my side ponytail.
i was eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich in the cafeteria in the 7th grade when Number One Crush asked me out and i said HELL NO! of course i immediately regretted it and channeled that foolishness into a horrible, festering crush that popped up unexpectedly several years later and caused many problems, involving overripe peaches, cheap beer, and a severe lack of peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
one time my brothers convinced my dad to make them green eggs and ham. all day long whenever they went to the bathroom there would be hollering and laughing.
when my parents got divorced we all started eating a lot more donuts.
my grandmother Betty had BonBons in her apartment. i'm sure of that. i threw up Froot Loops on the grass in front of where she lived. one time she made me and my brothers some macaroni and cheese when she was visiting and told us we couldn't have any until we sang "Jesus Loves Me" and we simply had no idea what she was talking about.
when i have dreams of my childhood home, the refrigerator is always really jumbled and it's impossible to find things in there. does this mean something?
one time my cousin Josh was babysitting us - i was four - and when he went to the bathroom i thought it would be the most hilarious thing ever to pour my apple juice in his glass of milk. like he wouldn't notice?!
one of my mom's sisters let us eat Cheez-Its in bed. which one??
a kid in my class in kindergarten had a pretty mom, and i'm not sure why i cared, i just always thought, oh, what a pretty lady. until it was their turn to bring the snack for the class. and it was that rainbow layered Jell-O, where you mix sweetened condensed milk in with gelatin so there's white between the stripes, remember? from that point on i thought the pretty mom was a total alien. what the heck WAS that stuff??
i've been a vegetarian for 13 years. the last hamburger i ever ate was at the Raspberry Road Tastee Freeze in Anchorage.
my next door neighbor and i tried to make "witches brew" one time by mixing up a bowl of every single thing we could find in her kitchen. unfortunately there was some powdered dish detergent on the counter next to the herbs and we ate that too. we both got sick. it was also in that kitchen that i decided it would be a good idea to hollow out a carrot with a paring knife so i could drink water out of it. i cut the sh*t out of my thumb and did not make a successful carrot straw.
i brought a giant bag of bbq potato chips to eat in the snow fort with the popular 6th graders. i was only in 5th grade but they let me in their fort. i thought we were pals. but that day they decided it just wasn't right, and i couldn't join them. i told them they could keep the stupid chips. one girl's mom made her invite me for a sleepover to make up for being a jerk. it was lame and she just made fun of my side ponytail.
i was eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich in the cafeteria in the 7th grade when Number One Crush asked me out and i said HELL NO! of course i immediately regretted it and channeled that foolishness into a horrible, festering crush that popped up unexpectedly several years later and caused many problems, involving overripe peaches, cheap beer, and a severe lack of peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
one time my brothers convinced my dad to make them green eggs and ham. all day long whenever they went to the bathroom there would be hollering and laughing.
when my parents got divorced we all started eating a lot more donuts.
Friday, July 04, 2008
a whole new ballgame
since just about two minutes after my first triumph with the greatest ice cream maker ever, i have been moaning about its 1.5 quart capacity and the necessary 24 hour refreezing period between batches. one batch is scarcely enough for all the ladies in book club to have a scoop. even when i timed it carefully and made two full batches for Megan's birthday, it looked like a paltry offering next to the giant amount of cake i made. i contemplated getting the attachment for my Kitchenaid that does the same thing, but that gizmo costs more than my entire ice cream maker!
so ultimately the thing to do was buy an extra mixing bowl for my dear Cuisinart. but i didn't do that. i was unsure about crossing that line to a 3 quart ice cream capacity household. all the ads popping up on MySpace saying "HEY YOU, FAT BRIDE" discouraged me from realizing my true ice cream production potential.
and then yesterday... i came home sick from work and was partially revived by the latest Bon Appetit cover - a giant, fabulous ice cream cone. before i could finish oohing and aahhhing over the food porn, the UPS man came knocking on my door with a big box. my dear friend Alexis sent me something from Amazon! hmmm, giftwrapped in gold. looks fancy. oh hallelujah it's another ice cream freezer bowl! so it's official. there's no stopping me now.
and speaking of ballgame, after the success of last fall's Papelbon Peppermint, here are some of my ideas for Red Sox ice cream flavors:
Big Papi Banana Pineapple
ManRam Mango
Daisuke Matcha
Beckett Butterscotch
Coco(a) Crisp
so ultimately the thing to do was buy an extra mixing bowl for my dear Cuisinart. but i didn't do that. i was unsure about crossing that line to a 3 quart ice cream capacity household. all the ads popping up on MySpace saying "HEY YOU, FAT BRIDE" discouraged me from realizing my true ice cream production potential.
and then yesterday... i came home sick from work and was partially revived by the latest Bon Appetit cover - a giant, fabulous ice cream cone. before i could finish oohing and aahhhing over the food porn, the UPS man came knocking on my door with a big box. my dear friend Alexis sent me something from Amazon! hmmm, giftwrapped in gold. looks fancy. oh hallelujah it's another ice cream freezer bowl! so it's official. there's no stopping me now.
and speaking of ballgame, after the success of last fall's Papelbon Peppermint, here are some of my ideas for Red Sox ice cream flavors:
Big Papi Banana Pineapple
ManRam Mango
Daisuke Matcha
Beckett Butterscotch
Coco(a) Crisp
Thursday, July 03, 2008
pic-a-nic basket
i really want to have a picnic involving an actually picnic basket. like the fancy ones that charming people strap the dishes and flatware into and pack chock full of delicious treats. i don't need any caviar, but i'll take some jams and fancy cheeses. it's got to be more fun than just throwing everything in a paper bag, right? the one obstacle that i see to this fantasy is that picnics with people i know usually involve MASSIVE amounts of food. and you just can't fit six casserole pans in a picnic basket, can you...
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
hate to say i told you so...
that is a lie! i kind of love to say i told you so.
when we came back to Nashville, i wondered when we'd start getting specialty cupcake shops, since there seemed to be one on every block in Chicago. before too long, one appeared. i had my doubts. 1) their logo is UGLY, and this, to me, is a crime, and 2) i was jealous i didn't open one first. i tried to refrain from trash talking, but i could never stifle my grumpy grimace when someone mentioned this place.
now, you gotta understand, in addition to being a logo snob, i've been known to make a good cupcake. several people in town are aware of this fact and regularly pay me to do so. and these days decorating cupcakes is part of my daily routine as well. after a handful of ho-hum reviews from friends, imagine my secret glee when this phone call came at my workplace:
"i have an emergency. i ordered some cupcakes from another shop for a baby shower and they are HORRIFIC. i absolutely can not serve them to my guests. is there any way you can make me some for this afternoon?"
don't mess with cupcakes. this is a serious matter. despite their trendiness, a cupcake in and of itself does not make people happy. they have to taste good and look cute too! and fyi, you're supposed to refrigerate things covered in buttercream...
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
i answered the call of food
well, after unceremoniously flunking out of NaBloPoMo during our assorted Chicago fiascos, i'm back, to attempt 31 consecutive days of blogging again... because the July theme is food! how could i resist?!
i work in food for a DAY JOB these days but i may or may not EVER feel like spending my free time blogging about that. lucky for me, it doesn't COMPLETELY suck the soul out of me, so i still squeeze in some food adventures at home. i got some amazing Calphalon pans for an anniversary present this year, so any events involving beautifully, evenly cooked things like toasted cheese sandwiches and pancakes elicit whoops and hollers from the stove. i've learned i can get discounted cookware from the new Le Creuset store but i just can't make up my mind what i want! ok, that's a lie. it's still expensive, even with a discount. i just drool over it and contemplate how many pieces we could register for without overdoing it...
also for the kitchen, i'll soon be adding tea towels to my Etsy shop, some of which include the smiling face of someone i'd really like to have in the kitchen with me... can you guess who it is?? i'll give you a hint: there are a few sticks of butter on it...
current concerns from the stomach of Betty Turbo:
1) i'm "off coffee." how long will this last?
2) is there anything i actually feel like eating when it's 90+ degrees out?
3) what desserts can i serve with the Cajun themed book club dinner?
4) what are we going to EAT at our wedding?! it's only a year away...
5) what's for dinner tonight?? we have company coming!!
i work in food for a DAY JOB these days but i may or may not EVER feel like spending my free time blogging about that. lucky for me, it doesn't COMPLETELY suck the soul out of me, so i still squeeze in some food adventures at home. i got some amazing Calphalon pans for an anniversary present this year, so any events involving beautifully, evenly cooked things like toasted cheese sandwiches and pancakes elicit whoops and hollers from the stove. i've learned i can get discounted cookware from the new Le Creuset store but i just can't make up my mind what i want! ok, that's a lie. it's still expensive, even with a discount. i just drool over it and contemplate how many pieces we could register for without overdoing it...
also for the kitchen, i'll soon be adding tea towels to my Etsy shop, some of which include the smiling face of someone i'd really like to have in the kitchen with me... can you guess who it is?? i'll give you a hint: there are a few sticks of butter on it...
current concerns from the stomach of Betty Turbo:
1) i'm "off coffee." how long will this last?
2) is there anything i actually feel like eating when it's 90+ degrees out?
3) what desserts can i serve with the Cajun themed book club dinner?
4) what are we going to EAT at our wedding?! it's only a year away...
5) what's for dinner tonight?? we have company coming!!
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